Eliminating variables (and other thoughts as a result of my trip to GDC)

So this might sound a little strange at first, but my trip to GDC last week was an eye-opening journey of self-discovery. Now, hopefully I haven't lost you already, but give me a chance to explain myself. Since high school I have had the goal to one day become a "game designer", without even really knowing what that means or how to become one. When I had finally settled on that abstract goal for my future I set about trying to find the path that would lead me there. Based on my perceptions of the industry and the environment in which I was raised I came to the conclusion that I needed to go to college. That was a pretty easy decision, and one that I am very glad that I made considering that I have found some amazing friends and an even more amazing and supporting wife. I would not trade my college experience for anything, although there are certainly aspects that, in retrospect, have introduced too many variables.

What do I mean by variables? Well, simply put, variables are distractions. In many cases I feel that college has presented me with more questions than answers. I definitely have more knowledge and technical experience as a result of my higher education, but after four years I feel almost just as far from my goal of becoming a game designer as I was when I started. To be fair, this is no fault of my university. The program I entered was simply geared more towards the technical aspects of graphic design in general, with little focus on the study of theory and fine art. I never really saw this as a problem before now, because to me a game designer seemed a highly technical profession. While this might be the case in many companies and studios, I have discovered an entirely separate aspect of game design that appeals more to my creative sensibilities.

I have always considered myself to be a creative individual with "big ideas", but until now I have always felt somewhat held back by what I will refer to as the "real-world" mentality. If I had a sausage for every time I've heard a professor refer to my education as preparation for the "real world" I would probably have a lot of old stinky sausages. I feel like nearly 99% of my education has been job training. When you try to put "game designer" together with "job" in the mind of a student with delusions of grandeur you tend to get something like this:

There is no denying that Cliff Blezinski is a success story in the realm of traditional game design, but that also depends on your definition of success. If success to you means making a lot of money and entertaining millions of people, then yes Cliffy-B is certainly a success, and at one time I'm pretty sure I might have uttered the words "I want to be just like Cliffy-B", but there is another definition of success. My new definition of success includes a few new words: self-fulfillment. What I do in life should validate how I feel about life (I warned you from the beginning that I was going to get a little philosophical) and I think that Cliffy-B is still an excellent example of this. He had a vision for Gears of War and you can see the passion he has for creating that experience. Maybe he does come off as a bit of a rock star at times, but deep down you know he is living his dream of being a game designer. Unfortunately, there is only so much room in the world for game designers like Cliffy-B. The good news is, guess what, there are more ways to become a game designer than the route the Cliff Blezinski took.

I still look to traditional game designers with a lot of respect and if someone like Bungie or Blizzard wanted to hire me I would still jump at the chance, but here is where I get to my main point. After going to GDC I had a revelation. I'm not going to sit around waiting for someone to give me permission to be a game designer. I already am a game designer, and I have been from the day I decided to become one. No artist in history ever waited to start creating art until they were given a job in the "art industry" and neither will I. I now feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I'm free to start doing instead of waiting.

Now, all of this might seem like it is coming out of nowhere, but this has really been bubbling in my loins for quite some time now. Over the last few years I have really found smaller "indie" games to be one of my favorite ways to relax and sometimes they have been more than just games to me. When a $10 game with 2D graphics can make you reflect on your relationships with others and how you live your life I think we start to see how games are beginning to evolve as an art form. I want to be a part of that evolution. It's important to note that this evolution is occuring across all forms of game design (including games like Gears of War), but personally I relate better to smaller, more personally crafted experiences. The truth is that indie game developers (and I use the term "indie game" very loosely) have much more freedom to bring their ideas to fruition. If a game can be created by one person, then that person's visions should theoretically be completely unfiltered. That's not to say that art cannot be created by a team, it's just much more difficult with too many barriers, including time and money. I have ideas and I'm not going to wait 10 years until I am in a creative lead position at a company to get them out.

One thing at GDC that led me to this revelation was the Independant Games Festival. I spent nearly all my time on the show floor playing the various games and talking with their creators at the IGF. The highlight of which was a discussion I had with the creator of Monaco, Andy Schatz, winner of the Seumas McNally Grand Prize.

After speaking with Andy I realized that I didn't want to spend years trying to get into a job that I perceived to be successful, when I could really be fulfilling my desire to be a game designer right now. It seemed so simple, yet I had never really looked at it that way before. I don't think I am being overdramatic when I say that this realization will likely have life-changing effects.

So what happens next? That is probably the most exciting question I have asked myself in a very long time.